Procedures = Time wasting (Shutterstock, Adobe, this means you.)



Paul Wallis, Sydney Media Jam CO2Who are the fools who are adding any number of procedures and steps to basic processes? A basic upload or download is core business for everyone. If you do as much work as I do, it’s very hard to appreciate the extra steps.

I was just using Shutterstock’s new mega size pictures. Hadn’t used them before, and wanted to resize. So; try to resize, and what do I get? A dialog box, telling me to do something with the client’s license, which I can’t, and wouldn’t, do.

The extra steps story

The extras DO affect productivity:

  1. Download time matters. Long downloads of ridiculously oversized pictures for basic online publishing are absurd at best, infuriating at worst, and totally counterproductive. The need is Click/Done/Next job.
  2. There is no working theory which supports the need for multi-MB sized pictures. Shutterstock has prospered happily without these monster-sized non-events. Why start now?
  3. It took me over an hour to do a job which should have taken no longer than 15 minutes.

Any theories on why this might be a bad idea? Who benefits? Not me. Not my clients. Not their clients. Not the readers. Not the people viewing the pictures. Not Shutterstock. It’s a ridiculous situation.

Now, the other serial offender, Adobe:

Paul Wallis books, sydney media jam

Fear of creativity is the sure sign that you should be a publisher. Read this, and you’ll never need homicidal maniacs again. Maybe you should also hire useless idiots to make the entire process as cumbersome as possible? Nah, could never happen in publishing, could it?

Adobe Illustrator is a pretty good overall package. It is hopelessly spoiled by endless clicking on different functions. This is another multi-step process which achieves very little at the consumption of enormous amounts of time overall. I can do 10 frames an hour on I’d be lucky to do 1 per day on Adobe Illustrator because it’s so damn overloaded with clicks.

I mention Adobe because Shutterstock has come up with something that looks very like Adobe in its edit screens. That reminded me of the many issues created by the “click everything” procedures of Adobe.

To clarify:

  • NOBODY needs more steps in any process. Nobody has the time to waste, except, apparently, the geniuses who invent these nuisances.
  • There is no commercial value to anyone in endless new procedures of any kind. Unless there’s a meaningful audit or some other value, it’s ridiculous to add more steps to any simple process.

Less politely –

Sack anyone who justifies their existence by inventing these idiocies.

Adobe, stop screwing up the world’s ideal graphics software with ridiculously complex, slow, and excruciatingly irritating, counter-intuitive, steps.

Shutterstock, kindly have sufficient respect for your clients to cease with the multi-stage downloads and these pointless extra stages of editing. Anyone can resize an image and do the dpi to their tastes. No need to add to that.  Also be aware that licensees and their contractors can’t drop everything and try to figure out a new license issue.

Paul Wallis, Sydney Media Jam, Paul Wallis books

Typical job ads


corporate dynamicJob ads are to human beings what dysentery is to market research. These long torture sessions for people who need jobs are now institutionalized, like everything else that doesn’t work in this world and everything that shouldn’t.

So, naturally, I’ve decided to jump on the industry hearse and add a sort of template for more efficient stupidity, as follows:


Administration Clerk job ad

We’re looking for an admin hero. A Darth Vader of data entry. A vicarious vulture of call centers. A master of irrelevance who doesn’t check pay slips.

This is the person we want:

  • You’re a real go-getter with a sense of adventure in the fun-filled, vermin-infested world of admin.
  • You have a PhD in insane nitpicking, and a post-grad in office effluent management at source.
  • Youse haves an eye for detowel.
  • You’re an experienced lab animal.
  • You can’t tell the time, let alone your age, but you’re a great time manager.
  • You can perform janitorial duties and major surgical procedures at the same time.
  • You belong to no known species.
  • You can manage competing lunacies with ease and a total lack of competence.
  • You’re consistently above KPIs, because of your complete lack of biological processes.
  • You see no relevance to yourself or your employer in the words “customers”, “sales”, “revenue” or “productivity”.
  • You are deliriously enthusiastic about everything.
  • Your ignorance on all subjects is legendary.
  • Your communications skills have nearly matched those of a house brick.
  • You have multiple Olympic medals in the fields of snivelling, grovelling and obtuse obfuscation.

If that’s you, ooze down to the application button, whimper helpfully at your screen, and apply now! We can promise you a future which will defy description.

My advice – If that’s you, become someone else, immediately.

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