Computers were designed to reduce labor and the internet was designed to survive a nuclear war, but neither seems to be able to survive the vast cosmic intellects of a brain-dead tech sector. This blog about computer tech isn’t going to be polite, so if you have a sensitive mind, sod off now and take your pet thought leader with you.
For the last couple of decades, the sector has been obsessed with tinker toy gadgets, mobiles, and other crap. Not a lot has been mentioned about functionality and efficiency.
We’re still talking about binary code, switches, and baseline performance here, not some mystic experience. This is the computer tech of the very early Stone Age. It’s like someone invented fire and forgot what they were supposed to do with it. We’re talking about things with all the innate inscrutability of a light switch – Most of which don’t work as well as a light switch.
No multi-value coding. No nonary code. No better conductors. No multilevel logic and coding. No attempts to turn this absurd current pack of trilobite droppings in to something really revolutionary. The computer tech sector, like everything else, has become another mucking middle class trade for plodders, mediocrities, and “bad boys” whose brains didn’t survive kindergarten.
O noble tech-peasants, thou hath inherited the dung hill.
We’re also still talking about Diplodocus era things like disk drives, noisy computers, pernickety prehistorically-oriented operating systems that can’t run things that older systems could run with ease and “upgrades” which equate to doing the same things much less efficiently.
There’s probably some psychological justification, however unacceptable, for this. Perhaps all those meetings have finally driven the entire sector over the edge into dribbling, cliché-fornicating madness. Perhaps the eternal mindless drone of hack marketing has killed off any chance of anyone paying actual attention to functional issues.
This slideshow logic has also apparently lost track of what this technology is about, let alone what it can do when someone with any talent lifts a finger. So perhaps a little update on what you bastards are supposed to be achieving is in order.
Let’s review the To Do list:
1. Computers which can work at human speeds for productivity, not like comatose rocks. “Not responding”, “Script error on page, therefore world ends” and similar farcical runtime issues are not, repeat not, acceptable. These things should be responding instantly. Some of us are busy, you know.
2. Disk drives – Why do these fossils still exist? Too damn innovative to create something better?
3. Dysentery by code flow chart – If you’ve ever done even rudimentary coding, you have to wonder what all these damn useless extra steps on every process are supposed to achieve. Click > on/off is always going to be better than some damn runtime soap opera of processes. Justify your existences in some other way.
4. Tech issues – Nobody cares. Whatever it is should work instantly, no exceptions.
5. Massive memory usage – Why? Didn’t occur to the little diddums? How much of this crap in a box actually needs to be there?
6. “Everything has to be cutesy-hootsey mobilesy wobilesy” – Take a flying leap back up your arse and beat yourself to death with a widget. Some people don’t want to evolve into mere platforms for thumbs with the attention span of a fruit fly.
7. Hardware, schmardware – OK, you executive clown-breeders have to make a living, too, but paying for your little “innovations” with every new OS is absurd. Make the new stuff “premium” or some other fabulous new thousand year old marketing ploy, and deliver the functional stuff that’s actually needed with fewer Oscar ceremonies for Least Credible Tech Culture. (Unless it’s decent hardware; in which case where is it?)
8. The Internet of Things as some sort of messianic achievement – Like hell it is. If you can’t get a basic PC to work efficiently, how’re you going to get toasters to deliver babies, or whatever this Internet of Things is supposed to do? Lose the hype and deliver.
Put it this way – It’s 20 years later, and Win 95 and 98 are still looking pretty good, because they worked. Subsequent OS by Hissy Fit didn’t, and don’t. People hated them, and still do. Any theories on why that might be so?
Ask some prepaid God, or whatever it is you believe in. Don’t ask the users. You won’t understand it, and won’t like it. Above all, do not engage in anything remotely resembling actual quality evaluation. It may eat you.