NY Fashion Week is something people usually look forward to, knowing it will be at least one bright spot in the fashion year. 2015 NY Fashion Week screams, “We have no talent, we don’t care, we sell ugliness”. This wasn’t a fashion event; it was an epidemic of low grade diseases.
At this rate, the NY fashion industry will be out of business in a few days. If this is the level of design top labels can be bothered to put on display to the world, death is too good for them.
A few points about the basic presentation of this atrocity:
- Deformed farm animals, and worse, as models.
- Dresses with swizzle sticks in them instead of human beings.
- Pathetic derivative designs, dating back to real fashion but nowhere near as good.
- Color sense (The Pastel Peasants Look) which makes any sewer look like a comparative Renaissance/Baroque extravaganza of good taste. What, couldn’t get any other pigments from Bangladesh?
- Blush? Who wears blush? DSLR cameras don’t need blush. Even cattle don’t wear blush.
- Models with skin problems and blemishes nobody could be bothered addressing. (Presumably the Psoriasis R Us Look?)
- Hairstyles from optometrist escapees no doubt on America’s Least Interesting list.
- The Corpses R Us Look, in which necrophilia is the one common feature of models, clothes and presentation values. You can almost see Vincent Price tagging along at the end of the show, saying “They’re actually paying me to do this, you know”.
The fashion industry is famous for its insensitivity and insults to intelligence. When it starts insulting its own intelligence, that very vague thing, you know things are bad.
When the industry starts destroying its own bottom line, however, questions have to be asked:
- People are supposed to be able to make money out of this crap explosion. How? Souvenirs, maybe?
- Never mind who – What in the name of God is going to wear these enemas?
- Can you think of any particular animal, waste product, or fossil desperate enough to be seen in a car crash wearing these horrors?
Medals for fashion writers and photographers
It’s not often I feel much real empathy with fashion writers, fashion blogs or editors. I follow them as part of my own work. I think they do a pragmatic job, most of the time. They’re commercial writers, like me, doing a job for themselves and their industry.
The ethics of the job are simple – You do things realistically for your clients, your businesses and your publications. These guys tolerate the intolerable because it’s business. This time, however, I found myself wondering, and worrying that people were asking too much of them.
Overall, the fashion writers did a truly noble job, ripping out with their bare hands a choice of selections of the offal and fecal surprises from 2015 NY Fashion Week. This is verbal bravery in the finest traditions of NY writing. Read Bloomberg or The New York Times for fashion’s answer to storming the beaches at Tarawa.
NY fashion writers traditionally write despite all appeals to personal health interests, selflessly taking the English language to places it may not want to go. You can’t hear the antihistamines and the undoubted sobbing. You can hear the sanity creaking.
Getty Pictures, probably against doctor’s advice, took pics as always, bravely going in to the void of nondescript total failure in search of enlightenment. There wasn’t any enlightenment, anywhere, and that’s not Getty’s fault.
Even The New York Times, which will support anything in NY regardless of considerations of sanity, couldn’t do a lot with this pitiful collection of clichés and leftovers.
Who’s to blame?
There is absolutely no point in singling out which particular vermin are responsible for this debacle. This is the last pitiful death-fart of NY fashion, a desperate attempt at mediocrity, and even that didn’t succeed.
In the We Have No Aspirations category, it’s anybody’s award. The big names and the newbies seem to be equally uninspired.
In the Totally Unimaginative Presentation category, it has to be said that presenting fashion the same way they auction cattle really does leave a few things to be desired. The tiles are more interesting than the presentation. A high school fashion show does it better.
In the Brain Dead Model selection category, everyone’s a winner. Why would models need faces? Some of these models don’t, or shouldn’t, have faces. Are you guys too dumb to figure out that “Some barnyard animal wearing my designs” might not be great for sales? Don’t you know that having eyes half an inch apart can be a turnoff? …Or are you into that?
This is what real models look like, you peasants: Note that they’re alive, have eyes in the right places, and have human anatomies. Look and learn.
Moving on to the We Wonder What Model Presentation Means category – In the old days, models were expected to look like they were taking amphetamines to watch their weight and coke to help them pretend to be alive. If these models were used as anti-drug posters, the war against drugs would have a future. No self-respecting 12 year old would ever touch drugs. Ice users before and after look more alive than they do.
(Admittedly, they may just be too overworked to think about any sort of presentation. Maybe the vast intellectual effort of getting people to walk on time down an empty floor is too much. Maybe they think boring people to death is the required standard. Perhaps a nice lie down and a crayon would be appropriate before euthanasia.)
In the “Men’s Fashions are for Coma Wear” category, the question is – What men’s fashions? Even The New York Times could only come up with one Lacoste, the best of a truly horrendous bunch of remnant bin contenders, and a sort of Ken Doll Reunion profile shot of guys for Duckie Brown.
This is modern media?
This was truly beyond pitiful.
The NY 2015 Day Care Week of the Living Dead has a lot to answer for. The net upshot of this catastrophic descent into trivia should be “Never Again”.